


Gabriel Used Punch (Its Super Effective!)

by Tezca



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Univese, Been wanting to write a fic where Gabriel punches the shit out of someone, Crack Fic, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Humor, Multiverse, fic of a fic, just happens that the someone is another version of Gabriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24594097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tezca/pseuds/Tezca
Summary: You know you're a straight up prick when even the Archangel Fucking Gabriel thinks you're an asshole.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	Gabriel Used Punch (Its Super Effective!)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Weeping](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509140) by [Sani86](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sani86/pseuds/Sani86). 



> I was reading the fic that inspired this crackfic (go read it! Its an interesting human AU fic) and I got a sudden desire to write a cathartic fic where the version of Gabriel gets his just deserts. I also been wanting to write a fic where Gabriel punches someone so I figure why not have TV Gabe punch the other version of him. 
> 
> Also cause I didn't want to screw anything up since the original fic takes place in South Africa, all insults are just directed at how TV Gabe looks and America due to how his sounds.

It was a hot summer day, nothing of note to mention around here. Just that Anathema and Gabriel were in a park on a bench in Johannesburg, South Africa in the Year of the Lord 20 something. Now the interesting part here is the fact it was Anathema that sat next to the Archangel. Not Michael, Uriel or even the demon Beelzebub. Why was Gabriel - with all his views of humans - next to one?

Well the answer was simple, Anathema’s family had owed Gabriel a favor after he exorcised a demon from her great-great Grandmother’s husband. Gabriel had simply just asked the witch to help him out. Well, after a moment to explain of course. Anathema wasn’t going to readily help someone who had shown what a war hungry dolt he was at the airbase without an explanation. 

“ _I remember my mother telling me about this. Enough to have it ingrained in my memory,” Anathema had said after she reluctantly let him into her cottage. Any annoyance was directed at the memories of all those times she was told. Clearly her mom hadn’t learned the concept of ‘Enough is enough’, “Fine, I’ll help as long as it's reasonable and on one condition.”_

_Gabriel smiled, “Great! I would like to go to another universe for a...what you call it,” He snapped his finger over and over as he tried to recall the term before his face brightened up and pointed at her, “Oh! A human vacation. I can open a portal myself but I want this to be uhh...off the record and I figure you can help since you’re a witch.”_

That was close to a year and a half ago and every so often since then, Anathema would accompany him. This whole vacationing in another world had been made the more interesting considering that the destination was always randomized. And as per their agreement, Anathema would teach him the basics of human etiquette and society. To her pleasant surprise, Gabriel was picking up on it at a reasonable pace. 

That said it was still a good while before Gabriel would come off as someone who hadn’t gotten their degree yet in the Art of Being Human. 

And twenty minutes later, Anathema was out on a leisurely stroll down a walking path while Gabriel – in his grey t-shirt and track pants – took off on a run. Now running was nice exercise but it was something she wasn’t really in the mood for. Especially on a hot day so she just relegated herself to enjoying the scenery and taking pictures on her phone. 

She was lost in her own little bubble until she heard what she could’ve sworn was her name. She turned around to see a blond haired man make a sudden stop immediately blushed bright red from embarrassment. She also noticed another man who came up behind him, “Oh my I’m terribly sorry miss, I apologize...err I thought you were someone I knew. Her name is Anathema.”

“Had me nearly fooled too,” The other man commented with a soft laugh just as he came up and stood next to the blond. She got the obvious feeling that they knew each other.

Anathema smiled and waved her hand in a dismissive fashion, “Oh don’t worry about it, I look like other people on a frequent basis,” She joked, it was true in a way. Anathema definitely wasn’t going to straight up reveal she was from another universe. From the beginning, she and Gabriel figured it would be the best to lay low about where they came from. Especially given that they were only in another place for two weeks at a most.

(Unless, as in one less than ideal case, they absolutely needed to. Less said about that, the better.)

“Funnily enough my brother has gotten it too,” Anathema smiled with a light chuckle, “My mother gave me the same name but you guys can call me Nat.” She stuck out her hand to shake.

The man shared the good nature laugh and took a calming breath. He took her offered hand and shook her hand. Anton, however, inclined to just keep his hands to himself, “Nice to meet you then Nat, I’m Ezra and this is Anton,” He said as he gestured to him and then over his shoulder towards Anton who just waved, lazily we might add like how a certain demon she knew would.

“Nice to meet you both. Lovely accent by the way.”

Ezra smiled at the complimented, “Thanks err, yours too. I take it you’re not from around here then?”

“Nope, me and my brother are from Los Angeles. We’re both here just taking a much needed trip, We really just picked our destination by throwing a dart on a map,” Anathema replied with a friendly laugh.

Anton gave out a sudden, delighted laugh, “I like you already, Ezra here would rather plan out a vacation weeks in advance. Boring.” He emphasized it with an eye roll, though it was hard to tell because of the sunglasses.

Anathema laughed as Ezra shot Anton a glare. She added, “Well to be fair it was half and half. We packed, got our money together and then randomly decided.”

“So how long are you two staying?” Anton asked, curious as Ezra returned his focus towards her, “We can give you some recommendations if you like.”

Anathema took a moment to think before she casually shrugged her shoulders, “I’m not too sure but two weeks at the most. We just got here only yesterday, and that would be a big help,” She explained just as Gabriel finally came back from his impromptu jog. He slowed to a stop next to Anathema, “Oh this is my brother Gabriel.”

Ezra couldn’t help the momentary swell of tension he felt after Anton introduced himself, “Oh my lord, what a coincidence...you have the same name as my brother. And you look like him too. Aside from your eyes...which are rather, err, very nice by the way,” He added albeit awkwardly, “My name is Ezra by the way.”

Gabriel looked at him with confusion, “Oh?” He never was as good as hiding any sort of awkwardness. 

(Not like he was aware of it but Anathema had come to notice Gabriel was worse at it than Aziraphale.)

“Doesn’t sound like him, thank Someone,” Anton muttered before he caught an unwanted sight. Ezra’s actual brother. He pointed to indicate that he was behind Anathema and purple eyed Gabriel, “Speak of the devil.”

Anathema and Gabriel turned around. There was indeed another person there. He was tall, strong built, the same hairstyle that exuded a sort of confidence when one thinks they are right and never wrong. This Gabriel doppelganger was just a scant few feet away and he looked just as perplexed and bewildered as one would when looking at a copy of yourself.

Anathema took a couple steps backwards as this brown eyed Gabe got up to purple eyed Gabe’s face. The moment the brown eyed version spoke, a sort of tension filled the air. The kind you get when one doesn’t know what to expect and all you can do is just hope the situation doesn’t go to complete shit.

“What the actual fucking hell am I looking at?” The brown eyed Gabe spat as he gave the other a look over, “It’s like someone was obsessed with me to the point of insanity.”

It didn’t take too long for the Archangel to quickly get his bearings as he put his hands together in front of him. If he stammered then thankfully it was only for a split second, “Well, uhh, you know what they say, a human person has a doppelganger somewhere in the world.” 

“Except it’s one hell of a goddamn coincidence that you just _happen_ to look like me. It’s like you’ve been stalking and obsessing over me for years and years to the point of utter lunacy.”

“I can assure you that is not the case-” the Archangel explained in a calm attempt to placate the situation as efficiently as possible. 

“Although, to be honest, I don’t know if I should be flattered or creeped out. And right now it’s more towards the latter.” The human blurted out, his voice sharp and accusatory, “How many goddamn plastic surgeries was it you demented yankee?”

The Archangel – fucking – Gabriel tried his best to once again try and placate him. He even had his hands in front of him, palms facing the other Gabe, “I can definitely rest assure you that I have done nothing of the sort. This is just a natural coincidence.”

Unfortunately the human didn’t seem to get the memo. Instead his brows furrowed closer together. There was also the air of condescending superiority that exuded from every inch of the brown eyed Gabe. 

(If Crowley was here, honestly he would be surprised that the two weren’t already in a competition to out vain one another. Complimenting each other enough to drive out anybody sane from a five mile radius.)

“I find that fucking hard to believe when the only differences is your atrocious accent and your-” There was a pause as the human took a good notice of the differently colored eyes, “-quite frankly downright freaky purple eyes. Are those fucking contacts?” 

Anathema crossed her arms and looked over at Ezra and muttered sarcastically, “Real charmer your brother is.”

“You don’t know the half of it dear Nat,” There was a heaviness in Ezra’s low voice that gave her the notion that there was more to the story. His gaze never left the slowly increasing train wreck in front of him.

“No, actually they aren’t. They are just the...err product of a rare eye condition,” The Archangel explained, well practiced with the alibi he had used before. His hands were now down by his side, “Still magnificent don’t you think?” He put on the best friendly smile he could.

“It’s a damn abomination is what they are! _You_ are an abomination. An anomaly. No fucking respectful human being are born with weird bullshit colored eyes. Your eyes are downright _inhuman_. Oh heh, something you have in common with him over there.” He gestured to Anton who rightfully became very offended.

“Hey!” Anton reacted from behind Anathema. The Archangel meanwhile just stood there, his smile faded away instantly. His facial expression was hardened into that of stone as he could as he deliberate what was the best course of action. Clearly this counterpart is harder to reason with than first believed. 

The human Gabe continued his unfortunate hateful tirade, never once knowing that he was speaking to an angel of the Lord, “Your inbred parents should’ve just fucking abandoned you in whatever backwater cesspool of a town you crawled out you uneducated yank-”

In what would turn out to be a ‘you had to have been there’ moment, the Archangel Gabriel temporarily lost all inhibition and immediately decked the human Gabriel hard on his left jaw. With just a little bit of that angelic strength put into it, the right jab was enough to send his South African counterpart down to the ground. He may have also gotten his nose broken. 

Meanwhile, the Archangel Gabriel gracefully swiveled through the motion and made a stop right in front of three stunned humans. Gabriel looked at the back of his hand to see the were specks of the human’s blood on his so he then wiped it off with the inside of his shirt where it miraculously became clean. He straightened his shirt out and looked at the three as if he hadn’t just punched someone moments ago.

“Right,” Gabriel merely said as he confidently stood straight and started walking, going between Ezra and the other two. The three continued to stare at him, still pleasantly shocked at the justice that was served to Ezra’s brother. 

It was Anton that first broke out of the haze a moment later. He swiftly followed suit right behind Gabriel. Ezra looked at Anathema and motioned at her to go ahead of him, “After you miss.”

Anathema smiled at the friendly gesture. Without another look spared at the sole human still down on the ground – himself in shock at what just happened - Anathema and Ezra walked behind the other two down the path.


End file.
